FIFA Ultimate Team – How to avoid being hated online

As well as the many rules and regulations that govern the sport of football and game of FIFA Ultimate Team, there are certain assumed expectations of players. Sadly, not everybody abides by these unwritten rules, and every gamer out there has had to deal with the FIFA douchebags online (if you haven’t, it’s you, you’re the arse).

Sportra has had to put up with some controller-chewing behaviour in our time online, so we’ve created a handy ethics guide for players, a series of do’s and don’ts that will help keep players focused on the most important part of the game – the football.

Skip cutscenes

There’s nothing worse than planning to have a couple of matches in the evening, only for your opponent to refuse to skip any and all cutscenes. The opening montage alone can take several minutes to get through before kick-off. There is no excuse for it, just get through the match and handle all personal matters after the final whistle.

Refusal to skip cut-scenes should be an automatic forfeit of result. Or at the very least EA Sports should include a a tick box to remove them from matches.

No time-wasting

This isn’t the World Cup final, it is virtual kickey-’boutey on a game that will lose all relevance in a few months when the new version rolls around. If you’re ahead by a single goal and it is the 46th minute, don’t take the ball into the corner, just play. Try and score another and seal your victory.

There’s nothing wrong with playing conservative, just don’t use cheap tactics that do nothing but frustrate and annoy all whom you face.

Don’t watch every goal replay

Yes, you may have scored, well done, but there’s no need to watch the replay of a three-yard tap-in from 15 different camera angles. We can all appreciate fantastic finishes, but when it is a lucky, unfortunate or simply cheap goal, the last thing we want to do is sit there and watch it time and again.

Three pauses max

Stop tinkering with your line-up every time you have possession, it’s infuriating. The tactics you have at the start of the match are what you must play the match with. There used to be a three pause limit in FIFA, but that seems to no longer be the case, which is why we need to introduce the unwritten three-pause rule. Effective immediately.

Don’t quit

Embarrassing defeats happen, deal with it. Don’t quit, it’s cheap and actually ends up costing you a percentage of all earnings in the future. Accept your loss, lick your wounds and try again. Quitting in the opening minutes is an even greater sin, as there’s still plenty of time to come from behind and keep the score close.

Also, don’t simply stop trying should you find yourself behind in the contest with little time left. Attempting to hack any and all opposing players with slide tackles is pointless, treat the 90th minute as you would the first.

Shade-free pitches

Whichever stadium you elect as your home ground, make sure no shadows pollute the view of the match. having half of the turf overcast is massively distracting, so please, no Wembleys or the like. We want a good, clean match, and that means the view of the game must be uninterrupted.

Home and Away Kits

The reason you get to have two kits is so that they are DIFFERENT, and to not clash with your opponent. ever been in the “kit select” lobby and your opponent keep switching kits, cancelling your “Ready”? It’s because your kits are too similar, and you need to make a change, take the hint.

Make sure you have contrasting home and away jerseys, otherwise you are just a terrible person.

  • Andy

    You are missing one thing from this list, don’t use a black ball. Unbelievably hard to see, especially in those stadiums with shadows. I don’t understand why EA have put them in the game as which league in world football uses a black ball??

    • Brett Phipps

      Very good point. Once played a match where both teams wore black socks, black ball and shaded stadium. Mostly guess work and luck that led to salvaging a draw.